The first time I met you, I was 19 years old. I am sure you had been up for hours as Doug and I emerged from the basement, looking for coffee. You welcomed me into your home with a smile. Little did I know then, that you would become an important influence in my life over the next almost 40 years.
I soon found myself in the most wonderful dream. Your world was full of parties, get-togethers, and all sorts of fun outings…it seemed that everything was positive and caring and full of life. I thought, “Who are these people?” “Why is their life so full of fun?” How can this be sustainable and more importantly, how can I belong? A year later, we graduated from school, and everyone in the family was there. I met Rob and Bobbye…and soon, Gwen, Len, Jody, and Frank.
We took trips to Benton and Deep Creek Lake. We rode pontoon boats and ate catfish. We spent time with Ruth and Orvis and chatted with Burl and Bob and Vava and so many others along the way. I thought this family is magic. They all like to be together and do things together..and this is a never-ending party. Or was it?
Christmases were amazing. The presents and the presence. All the love and the effort and again, the magic. It was all there. I was treated like I belonged. I always received the most perfect gifts, as if I deserved all of this love. We got together with the Burke family, went to see the Nativity scene every Christmas at the church and so much more. It became my new normal. The love and the family didn’t seem real. I had a whole new world full of wonderful and giving people.
And the years flew by…and the parties kept coming. But maybe they weren’t all parties…maybe they were about the choice that you made. And they weren’t all good….we all joined together when Ruth, Orvis, and Jody were sick and then Frank, Bobbye, Len left our family…. This family is close in the good times, and also shoulders the grief in the bad. This is how you wanted to live your life. With love and caring and presence.
I spent a lot of time going through the photos that I had here in Beijing, to contribute a memory for your birthday. I didn’t realize that it was not about the “birthday” or the Christmas pecans or the coconut cake from the Senior Citizen Center in Benton… It isn’t about the party or the money or the stuff. It is about the life that you chose to live.
It’s the People.
You have been there for me since I was 19. You have shown up to the family dinners, the church sermons, and the neighbors’ baby showers and shown me that the actual meaning of life is HOW you live it. You treat people with respect and the love they deserve. You have helped me more times than I can count. You have driven hours or days just to help the family. Always with love and always with patience and sometimes with money. You have packed boxes and moved us across the country and the earth. I think you almost got to the hospital before we did when Benton was born.
The pride and the enthusiasm you have shown me for the people and the life you have lived is inspiring. Benton and Peyton have had the most wonderful Grandpa they could have ever imagined. The trips for ice cream and to the zoo and the pool and all of the rest of the amazing things they have been part of are because of HOW you live your life. I could not be luckier.
And if this was the lesson I was supposed to learn in my life, I am blessed that I got a teacher like you. Make time for people. Make the effort and make the life worth remembering in both the great times and the worst times. I have a lifetime of those memories because of you.
It’s the People.
I have a friend who is from New Zealand. The Māori people have a saying, “He tangata, he tangata, he tangata”.
“It’s the People, It’s the People, It’s the People.”
And it is.
Happy 90th Birthday, Dan. I love you.
Lisa