Third Culture Kids

“Third culture kid (TCK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their development years.”

I haven’t used this term….in fact, I really didn’t know that it was commonly used until I found Peyton writing a poem for school. Then I started thinking about how different his life really is.

Peyton was 4 years old when we repatriated in 2008. He hated the United States…he hated the noise, the hurried and busy lives of people swarming around him and he hated the food. He hated everything. He wanted to go home…he thought he was Cambodian and would fight with me every time I told him he wasn’t. He would cry every day…wanting to return to the comforts of his “other momma”, my Ayi, Miss Geri, and all that she was- homemade dumplings, devoted attention and calm.

He had been to so many countries and seen so many things in his tiny life, that he had forgotten where he was born. And to my detriment and wonderment, he didn’t like it. I’m amazed at how much our lives have changed since 2006. Some things cannot be undone. I remember how life was before that – the mundaneness of it all and yet, strangely comforting and predictable. My entire life was like this…decades of the same…year after year…comforting and predictable.

Benton had trouble repatriating and it became clear that the rigid requirements of public school wasn’t for him. He needed a more bohemian lifestyle and learning environment. Peyton never knew anything else. He never knew he “couldn’t” move around the world, and explore the path not taken. He demanded a more free style sort of life. He was the first to say yes to the move to Beijing in 2013.

He takes to the sky with ease. He moves through the snack line in the executive lounge like he belongs there and by the end of the flight, all attendants know him and his requirements for chocolate ice cream and shrimp. He is confused when we don’t get upgraded to business class for the longer flights and wonders why he can’t simply order food when he is hungry. I have to explain that “coach” doesn’t work that way. I also have to explain that because Daddy flies so much, sometimes, we get the benefit of upgrading to business….it falls on deaf ears.

Even at three years old, he dragged his rolling cart off the tram and through customs with the tenacity and purpose of a seasoned traveler. And he continues to become irritated when there is a novice traveler holding up the flow of traffic.

At almost 12 now, he created a poem for one of his classes. I have to admit, I was blown away by his observations. The humming of planes, which put him to sleep, the smorgasbord of friends he has made over the years and the magical way he keeps in touch with all of them. Technology that has always been available to him in his life. It amazes me that this life is all he has ever known. This is his perspective. And life is good.

He is able to go and do and see – He doesn’t have to wait until his Dad has 2 weeks of vacation in the summer, so he can pile in the car and drive 2 days to the beach, which was my experience for 43 years..and I am sure a lot of other people’s. Our lives don’t work like that right now. He knows he can fearlessly and easily board an airplane or high speed train and go to another place. He’ll learn about their culture, visit their temples, hear history and eat their food. Every trip is another learning experience and one that will help him become the person he is to be.

His entire life has been one huge adventure- everything from traveling all over the world, to living in a foreign land, to being educated in a very “hands on” academic setting. He holds court with friends on skype- having virtual playdates or doing homework together. Easily posting to his blog and texting friends all over the world during school holidays when families are traveling. I recently asked him who he was talking to…he said one of his friends was on holiday in Japan…he was chatting with her before her day of sightseeing. He shares the school hallways with Dr. Jane Goodall, and is unaffected. He stands in line to board planes with Superbowl Champion Donald Driver, and doesn’t ask for a photo. It is all natural and normal to him.

I grew up in a time when we never left our back yard. There were no cell phones, and we had a black and white T.V. The first time I rode on an airplane, I was in junior high school- it was a one hour flight. I even went to college in the same town I was born. It literally never occurred to me that I could leave- my life was truly “The Truman Show”. And not because my parents forced me to stay- quite the opposite..they always encouraged me to move forward…it was me holding myself back. After I made the huge leap of faith to leave everything I had ever known and move 6500 miles away from home, I wanted my kids to never be afraid to leap – to have the curiosity and confidence to go out in the world and see it. Never be afraid to try – never be afraid to change your mind and to have the confidence in themselves to carry on and move forward.  I think they both have already surpassed my hopes. Onward!!

Third Culture Kids, by Peyton Walston

The kids move around
Can fly around like falcons
Kids smell like Great Fresh Air
The fun, relaxing sounds of planes
Cultures can be learned
Kindness is a need
Thanking in different languages is encouraged
Caring is sharing
Kids have a wide variety
Talking in mother tongue
Customs is normal
Keeping in touch